A Writer's Guide to Oldest Siblings

As the oldest child of six, I would say I have some small authority on this subject. I often find that oldest kids in books aren't anything like what I have experienced, so I just want to talk a little about how to write the oldest today. Of course, every person and the way they were raised is different, but we all have some things in common. These are just some things I want people to consider when writing their oldest.

What You Should Know

The first thing you should know about being the oldest is that they are guinea pigs for parents. As the firstborn, parents have no clue how to actually parent yet. So thus we end up being the test subject for every stage of life. As my mom likes to say, God must give a little extra grace to the oldest because of all they have to go through.

Because of the above point, parenting styles may change vastly between when the oldest is ten and the youngest is ten. Your mom said you couldn't have something until you were thirteen, but let your younger siblings have it at ten. You weren't allowed to watch PG-13 movies until you were fifteen and only with lots of fast-forwarding, but your eight year old brother has now watched the whole Lord of the Rings.

Not to say that they were bad parents for doing that. It happens, and I'm sure I'll do the same thing. We all say we won't do the same things as our parents, but all we do is make different mistakes. It's just a natural part of parenting.

A second big thing you should know about oldests is that we can be a bit bossy and want to be in charge. It comes from being the one that's always put in charge of important things or our younger siblings. Do not even think of messing with us when we are in charge because we will not take nothing from nobody.

The last big thing I think people should know about writing someone who is the oldest is that it's scary. It's hard being the first one to do everything without seeing someone else do it first. You're an explorer into a part of the world that no one has ever gone before. Most of the time, you'll be the first to get a license, a car, a job, and move out. And that isn't easy.

It may seem like being the oldest is easy, with nothing to do but boss others around. But it is far from it. You're expected to be a good example to those younger than you. You have to bear through with your parents experiments that don't always come out well. You have to forage out into the world alone. But I personally wouldn't trade my position for the world. (Especially because the oldest always gets shotgun. No questions.)

Stereotypes

1. We're super bossy and mean. This is one of the cliches that irk me. Can oldests be bossy and mean? Yes. But so can literally anyone else. It just comes out stronger in us because that's what we're used to. But not every oldest sibling is an overbearing taskmaster to those beneath them.

2. We're perfect. Another highly annoying trope is that the oldest is also the perfect child with great grades and way better than all their siblings. Well, it ain't true. Oldests are just as flawed as everyone else. I know I was a fairly average student and I'm still a fairly normal person.

3. We're ambitious. This is partially true. We naturally want to excel at things. But at the same time, it all comes down to personality. I wouldn't say I'm particularly ambitious myself. Yes, I have goals and plans to pursue them, but to me ambitious means you have a drive that I don't think I have.

4. We're put together. If anyone says that, they're lying. We oldests make like to look like we've got it together, but if the others are like me, they really have no clue what they're doing. They're confidently faking it as they forge ahead.

5. We get blamed for everything. Not true. Like any sibling will tell you, we've perfected the art of getting your siblings blamed for what you did or started. Yes, the oldest might be suspect, but so can anyone else.

Questions to Ask Your Character

1. What does your character think about being the oldest? Does she love it or hate it?

2. How many years are there between her and her siblings? Are they close (in age and/or relationship status)?

3. What does she love about being the oldest? What does she hate?

4. What things have changed between when she was young and her siblings were young?

5. Which sibling is she closest to and why?

6. How close is she to her parents?

7. Would she switch position if she could?

8. When did her parents start letting her babysit her siblings?

9. How does she feel about her responsibilities?

10. What type of personality does she have? Bossy? Shy? Leader? Follower? (Remember, oldests are people too!)

Have you ever written a character that is the oldest? How did it affect them? And what position are you? Tell me in the comments.

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