A Struggle with Singleness

I wasn't even sure I would publish this post. It's been kicking around in my head for a while now, but I'm scared to post it, and there's a few reasons for that.

1) I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by expressing my own.

2) I don't want to sound self-pitying and/or stupid.

But I feel like if I read a post like this, it might help me, so maybe this will help someone else. So with all that out of the way, let's start on today's topic- singleness.

For those of you who might not know, I'm 24 and still single. That's not necessarily a bad thing. However, I'm at that lovely age where it feels like everyone around me is getting in relationships, getting married, or having kids. And here I am, still single and alone.

I am so happy for all my friends who are finding happiness in a relationship. I rejoice that God has blessed them this way. I love seeing them so happy.

But deep down, I'm sad too. Not because I begrudge them happiness, but because I don't have that. They're all moving on to new stages of life while I'm stuck back here, unsure of what my future holds.

I know everyone says that 24 is young and there's still plenty of time. I'm sure they're right. But when most everyone you know is already in a relationship by this age, it doesn't feel like that.

It feels like I'm falling behind. I wonder what's wrong with me that no one wants me. I take every flaw in myself and put it on the list of "this is why" in hopes that it will help. Hint: it doesn't.

I'll admit it consumes me.

The thing is, I know this is a lack of faith on my part. It shows I'm not relying on God and making Him my all in all. I'm looking to worldly things to fill this hole inside of me.

Wanting a relationship isn't bad. Humans were created for it. But I don't want to idolize having one, making it the thing I think will make me happy. Because it won't.

It doesn't feel like it some days, but God has a plan for me. Maybe that plan is to remain single forever. Maybe it's to one day have a relationship. I don't know. Only God does.

So at the moment, I'm trying to figure out how to live a life that glorifies God and that I love even if I remain single forever. I don't know what my calling is or how to use my gifts to serve others. I don't have all the answers and I hate that.

But to anyone else out there that might be feeling the same, and to me to.

God has a plan for you.

God loves you more than any mortal man could or will.

Seasons pass and change.

Trust in God, because He cares for you.

This season of singleness seems to stretch out ahead of me, no end in sight. It's foggy and hard to see which way to go.

But I'll make it through, somehow. And so will you.

Thanks for reading.