Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 3: Oh Boy

Yes, I did watch Zombies 3. And oh boy, do I have thoughts. I watched through the first two in preparation for this one and let tell you, each sequel makes the first movie look more like a masterpiece in comparison. Sure, it has some flaws *cough* Addison, but I honestly enjoy the first movie.

But we're not here to talk about the first movie. We're here to talk about the absolute dumpster fire that is Zombies 3. Let's dive in.

Spoilers ahead, if you care about a several month old DCOM being spoiled.

I hate this look so much

Addison

Oh my gosh, I hate this girl so much. In this movie, she learns that her grandmother was an alien looking for a new home for her people after said people arrive in Seabrook. So obviously, she makes being an alien her entire personality, because that's what this girl does. Oh, and her mom also has white hair like her daughter but you know, still made her wear a wig and all that because reasons.

The aliens show up in their town with lots of lightning and property damage and she's like "they could be friends!". Then, when she learns that she's the map to Utopia (for some reason) she's immediately is like "okay, bye" and leaves with the aliens. No joke. No hesitation, no apparent sorrow about leaving her friends and family behind.

I highly suggest watching the Alex Myers videos on all three Zombies, because he covers her character so well and hilariously.

For some reason, Zed's makeup looks so weird in this movie too

Zed

Zed had more of a plot line than wanting to be class president this time, but it still felt flat to me. Which makes me sad, because Zed is why I'm here. In this movie, he's trying to be the first monster to go to a nearby college. But he's struggling with that because the aliens keep messing up his attempts.

Besides that, he doesn't have much else to do in the movie besides play second fiddle to Addison. Then she dumps him to go to space with her new alien friends. And he can't come because the alien spaceship can't support other lifeforms or something, leaving him sad and alone in Seabrook.

There's also this weird part where the college recruiter comes to his house and interviews him with his dad, sister, and girlfriend in the room? It felt so awkward and unrealistic, even in a movie with monsters and aliens.

The Aliens

Okay, we have to talk about them for a minute. First of all, who decided aliens were the logical thing to add to movie three instead of the vampires or mermaids that show up in the epilogue? I would have loved to see vampires done in this quirky style.

Second, the aliens make no sense. They apparently have a telepathic bond, but they never use that. Their outfits are stupid, the way they talk is stupid, and their powers are stupid. Third, I really hate how every creature has to have their names start with the same letter. All the zombies have Z names, all the werewolves have W names, all the aliens have A names.

Then the whole plot twist at the end was so stupid. Not just Allison being an alien or being the map to Utopia. But after everybody sings a sad version of "Someday" and she leaves, they learn that Utopia is, you guessed it, Seabrook. So they come back and live happily ever after. Whoo-hoo.

I have to say, none of them look much like high schoolers anymore

Other Hates

•The music. The songs in Zombies 2 were disjointed, but at least individually most of them were bops. The songs in this one not only don't go together, most of the lyrics are dumb or senseless. The only mildly good ones are "Alien Invasion" and the "Someday" reprise.

•The plot was stupid. Why would the aliens go the high school or need to win the trophy to see if the map they're looking for is there? Everything in it just felt forced.

•Eliza's phone-in roll. She was so obviously unable to film with the rest of the cast, it was annoying. I'd rather they just said her character had an internship and left her out of it.

•Almost no Addison and Zed. They have such great chemistry, but we see so little of that in this movie. It makes me sad.

I don't think I really have any positives to finish this out on. This movie includes the line "Take us to your leader. Your cheerleader." That's all you need to know about it.

I guess the best thing about this movie is that it's over and they've brought the franchise to the close. I'll continue watching Zombies and pretend 2 and 3 don't exist. Thank you for coming to my rant.

What's a movie you wish didn't exist? Have you seen Zombies 3? Tell me in the comments.

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