"You Don't Understand Me!"- How to Write a Teen Novel

In this post, I'm attempting to be humorous about classic teen cliches. I hope you enjoy and find it funny.

Teen Novels

The classic YA/teen novel is a book full of teen characters, high school, and angst. These characters are "different", un-liked, and of course must learn their true worth. Below you will find all the ingredients needed to write one and have a best-selling hit on your hands.

Characters

• The Special Snowflake. This is your main character. Either male or female (but definitely feminist), they aren't understood by anyone, especially their parents. They have big dreams of changing the world and falling in love.

• The Best Friend. This character (matching the gender of the Special Snowflake, because platonic relationships don't exist), is probably a cool, highly edgy kid, that could be friends with anyone, but chose the SS. They often cuss and wear cool clothes, and always know best for the protagonist.

• The Love Interest. Or two, for extra fun. This person should always be the hottest, and yet deepest person that truly understands the Special Snowflake's soul, even though they can't be together at first. They're probably also dating a jerk that gets dumped by the end for the protagonist.

• The Parents "Who don't understand me". Despite doing their best for their child, these parents will always fall short. They don't get what their child likes and never gives them their way. In short, their out to ruin their kid's life.

• The Bratty Sibling. They do nothing but annoy the main character and the parents always take their side.

• The Other Relation. Probably a grandma or an aunt to totally gets the protagonist's problems and always sides with them against their parents. No matter what the protagonist wants to do, they say go for it.

• Mean kids. If it's a girl protagonist, then there are mean girls. If it's a boy, then it's bullies. These characters hate the main character for "reasons", and generally have a posse of back-ups with brains the size of peas. Make sure they hate anything your Special Snowflake does and insults them at every turn.

• Jocks. Despite having no importance in the story, be sure to include plenty of jocks with cheerleaders on their arms. Oh, and they should always be wearing lettermen jackets, football gear, or their cheerleading uniforms.

• Other high school characters. Geeks. Smart kids. Computer nerds. Drama students. The dance team. You need lots of random characters to fill the halls of your school.

Plot

• Ordinary life. We should always start with a set-up that shows you how terrible and boring the protagonist's life is. They're going to school, learning things, live in a great house, have three course meals for dinner. Ugh, how terrible, am I right?

• The Occurrence. Then something happens. The Special Snowflake discovers something that will send their normal world spiraling in a whole new direction. It will also probably be something their parents don't approve of.

• Meeting the significant other. They'll also meet, or at least introduce you to their crush early on. Of course, they're deeply in love, but can't tell the other person because of said jerk they're already dating.

• More things happen, causing the protagonist to change. The Special Snowflake goes after the thing they want, causing chaos in every direction. They're upsetting the social order. They're making their parents mad. But they have the thing.

• "You're not the (insert name here) person I know". This will also change them in a way that no one likes. Best friends will tell the person they aren't the same (which they ignore), and parents will probably dole out punishment.

• Ending. In the end, the protagonist will gain what they want, along with their crush, and live happily ever after, disregarding all consequences of their actions.

Additional Accessories

• Theme of self-discovery. Teaching all teens that they should love themselves no matter who they are.

• Love triangle. Oh no, two hot boys are vying for her attention. What will she doe? Chose the sweet, quiet one, of course. No one goes for the bad boy.

• Sexy times. Make sure to add lots of kissing and describing of each other's lips and bodies. Because lust and pre-marital sex is totally fine and never leads to teen pregnancy.

• The "oh, you were right moment" by the parents. Since teenagers obviously always know what's best for them. Especially when it comes to their future and/or dating.

• Cursing. You aren't a cool, Special Snowflake if you don't drop the f-bomb every now and then.

• Teen drinking. Another thing that should be encouraged in teenagers, which doesn't lead to teen car crashes. Who cares if they party the night away anyway?

• Insane talent. And did I forget to mention that all Special Snowflakes and their love interests are extremely talented at something? You know that strictly average protagonists aren't allowed here.

• And finally, lots and lots of angst. Depression. Does anyone actually like me? thoughts. Why doesn't any get me? Who even am I? Think there's enough angst in your novel? Add another heaping spoonful and it'll be about right.

I hope you enjoyed this slightly different post. As you may have guessed, it kind of stemmed from seeing a bunch of not-so-great teen movies and novels lately. I don't mean to say that I don't enjoy teen novels any less for their specific cliches.

What is an absolute must for a teen novel? What's your most hated teen cliche? Tell me in the comments.

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